Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know.
When Kaylin was just 12 days old, I took this photo and declared her a chip off the old block. Now, four months on, it seems she hasn’t just inherited her daddy’s looks and expressions, she’s also got his adventurous spirit (hopefully) and his strong will (uh oh). Here’s my current favourite photo of my two number one people in the world.
The other day, I was out in the garden with Kaylin after a downpour when I noticed how pretty the flowers looked with raindrops on them. That was when I realised how long it had been since I really looked at flowers. So I took a few photographs. Then we saw a snail, and I realised how long it had been since I saw one. So I took another photograph. And I decided I really must do this more often.
“I did not sew, bake, or clean house to anyone’s delight – and still do not. But I can write. That is my work, where I feel special. Where my identity has a voice.”
“I never made a living as a freelance writer. Writers seldom do. It wasn’t my income that kept me working … I kept working because work broadened my world and my perception of it.”
- A Privilege, Chicken Soup for the Working Mom’s Soul
I don’t think I will ever be a stay-at-home mum. While I did recently make the decision not to return to full-time work in favour of breastfeeding Kaylin and spending more time with her, I have continued working. And yes, for those of you in the know, I am still with the same publishing company, just on a part-time/freelance basis.
Call me narrow-minded, but I’ve always pictured a stay-at-home mum as someone who can “sew, bake, or clean house to anyone’s delight”. Since I can’t and don’t do those things, I’ve never felt “qualified” to be a stay-at-home mum. Nor do I want to be one. I want to write. I don’t think I will ever stop writing, and the quotes above sum up my sentiments quite nicely. (Thanks again for the book, MA!)
The trailer for The Green Hornet brings back fond memories of when I interviewed Jay Chou last year. Yep, I’m a fan. Can’t say too much about his acting and I have no idea how he’ll fare in this, his first Hollywood movie, but he’s a damn good singer-songwriter in my book.
I wish I could say I impressed him with my marvellous Mandarin, intelligent questions and insightful responses, but even though I stood out, I’m pretty sure it was because I was the only journalist person in the entire place with a baby bump. Here’s an excerpt from my interview, taken from hot Magazine, Issue 148:
You’re going to be in The Green Hornet. How was that experience different compared to filming Asian movies?
Actually, the reason I went overseas was so I could learn new things. The way they make films in Hollywood is very different from Asia – before they start filming, they rehearse for maybe half a month. It’s like acting in theatre. At first, I was a bit impatient. But then I saw how patient Cameron Diaz and the rest of the cast are, how diligent they are in rehearsals, so who am I to say anything? At least I got to see Cameron every day.
Was it difficult to adapt to the language?
It was a bit difficult in the beginning, but after a while, I began to teach them some Mandarin and they were really keen to learn. I spoke to them in my really broken English and my English improved. I wasn’t used to it at first but after I made friends it wasn’t so bad at all.
Do you find acting easier the more you do it?
Actually, acting is easy for me. I like it. It’s fun. I don’t see it as work. I told Cameron that I’m actually a singer and that acting is just something I do for fun, and she was shocked because she’s very serious about her acting whereas I’m just playing.
Many of your films have quite a lot of action in them. Do you want to be an action star?
I’m really happy that people seem to see me as an action star and about the fact that Hollywood wanted me to do The Green Hornet. My first thought was, ‘Why would they choose me? I’m not Jet Li. I’m a singer.’ Action is something I like doing, but it’s not something I’m very good at, I think. After [I signed on to do the movie], I told them, ‘I’m actually a singer. Here, you can listen to some of my music.’ During filming, I’d give out some of my albums and tell people, ‘I’m not really an actor, I’m a singer.’
After four months of hopeful optimism (read: delusion), I have finally come to terms with the fact that the thrice-weekly gym sessions I endured enjoyed throughout my pregnancy are very much a thing of the past. These days, I’d be lucky to get any “me” time before 11pm and since I do not fancy pounding away on the treadmill in the middle of the night…
So in an attempt to get some semblance of regular exercise, I’ve been trying to take Kaylin for a walk every evening. Most days, we wander around my in-laws’ garden and don’t even make it out the front gate, although there was this one Saturday when we managed a walk to the neighbourhood basketball court and back – a grand total of, er, 500m.
It doesn’t sound like much but really, it’s a three-in-one exercise programme. Walking stretches and works my muscles, carrying a 6kg baby in my arms counts as weight training, and if I walk fast enough to get slightly breathless, it becomes a cardio workout. Or so I tell myself.
Here we are, out in the garden one evening. I like it best when it’s slightly gloomy and there’s a breeze. Kaylin’s practising her Blue Steel for when she becomes a rock star.
Am I the only person who finds it odd that everyone was so upset over the glimpse-up-her-skirt photograph of Miley Cyrus but nobody seems to think this video is too provocative for a minor?
I’m not condoning paparazzi shots of celebs getting out of their cars – I think those are off-limits regardless of how old the celebrity is – but shouldn’t the same people who threw words like “child pornography” at Perez Hilton for posting the photograph (he quickly removed it) at least raise some questions about this music video?
On a less controversial note, those wings are really cool but they also remind me of the evil creatures in Max Payne.
When I was pregnant, I told myself Kaylin would be my opportunity to discover the world through a baby’s eyes. I wanted to marvel at her every milestone and share in her excitement at every new discovery. Then she arrived, and for the first six weeks or so, nothing happened. She slept, she ate, she pooped. In that order.
Towards the end of her second month, she smiled. Finally! Then she started gurgling and cooing, and I was thrilled. But the third month was when the fun really started. Kaylin began focusing on objects, recognising faces, smiling, she even managed a laugh or two, she started turning over and, one of my favourites, she discovered her hands!
This is the first time she realised she could put not one, but both hands into her mouth!
Doesn’t she look guilty at being caught out?
Soon after she found out she could clasp her hands together. I love this “Genius” onesie, which was a gift. Hubby and I thought Kaylin looked like an evil mastermind plotting to take over the world. My mother-in-law reckons she’s just practising for Chinese New Year.
I spy with my little eye…
I just love how everything is A Wonderful New Discovery when you’re a baby.
On the eve of our fifth wedding anniversary, hubby and I slept in separate rooms. No, it wasn’t because of a fight, although we did have a fight about the fact that we were sleeping in separate rooms, it was because hubby wouldn’t let me leave baby Kaylin to sleep in her room by herself. This coming from a man who one year ago said he didn’t want kids.
The husband I have today won’t let me sleep in our room because he says a burglar could break in and come upstairs and walk past our open door to Kaylin’s room to – wait for it – kidnap her and whisk her away to Thailand. And so I have to sleep with her in her room. At least until he installs double locks on our front door.
It was weird and outrageous and (I’ll admit) kinda sweet and adorable all at the same time, although when he said it to me, the tired mother-of-his-child who hasn’t had a night of unbroken sleep in over three months, at two o’clock in the morning, well, let’s just say it was a lot less endearing.
Of course, I understand where he’s coming from. I can’t imagine what I would do if anything were to happen to Kaylin. A fellow mum once told me she never knew she could love a person so much until her daughter was born. Finally, I know what she means. This panic, however irrational, that I feel every time I imagine something going wrong is normal, right? As is getting all emotional over articles like this 2010 Pulitzer Prize winner (warning: it’s a real heartbreaker).
Hubby likes to tell people that becoming a father hasn’t changed him. He tells me it hasn’t made him more emotional or worried or panicky. That’s in broad daylight. In the middle of the night, when all is dark and still, I guess that’s when the truth comes out. Happy anniversary to us!
K’naan’s ‘Wavin’ Flag’ featuring will.i.am and David Guetta is the catchiest song I’ve heard in a while that isn’t also annoying. Plus, it sounds more exciting than most of the matches at this year’s World Cup have been. Sleep has been a little too precious for me to squander on the 2am matchups but I’m thinking about making exceptions for the semifinals and the final.
This is probably one of those photos that, if my daughter ever ends up in therapy, will be pinpointed as the source of whatever reason Kaylin is seeing a shrink in the first place. I don’t know why that comes to mind. Must be her slightly… traumatised expression.
