Archive for May, 2005
in retrospect
Posted on May 31, 2005, by soph, under Uncategorized.
Reading the previous entry makes me feel as breathless as I was while rushing to write it.
I think I shall elaborate more on the stories of the Frenchman.
Maybe tomorrow.
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diary of a beauty assistant
Posted on May 31, 2005, by soph, under Career.
I know I know, it’s been absolutely ages. Well I won’t leave out anything interesting, I promise.
Thursday - Modelling Part II
My second venture into modelling (Well, technically my third, but that tiny one with just my nails and half my face doesn’t really count). This one’s for a Revlon advertorial. Two looks (ie 2 sets of hair and makeup), they told me it would take a couple of hours; it took more like 4 or 5. Nothing terribly thrilling, even if I did look better than my maiden attempt. By the way, I’m not happy with the way I looked in that one so I’m not telling anyone publication details.
Friday - Huge, Plastic Pink Sunnies
Full on day. Had a bunch of errands to run and an event in KL city centre to attend. The good thing about it all is, we (my beauty editor and I) left early and went home. Well, at least she did. I decided since she’d dropped me off in Midvalley Shopping Centre - where I’d parked my car - and it was only 5 in the evening, I might as well do a spot of shopping. I didn’t buy anything, though I almost got me a pair of huge, plastic pink sunnies. As Yoda would say, preparing for the beach I am.
Saturday - Counselling
Our last session of marriage counselling. Pastor Chew and Aunty Lee Choo (isn’t it weird how they’re both pastors and I only call one of them “pastor” and the other “aunty”? One could almost argue it’s unconscious sexism) have been awesome. I’m almost sorry it’s all come to an end. But then again, I wouldn’t want to discuss sex, conflict resolution, finances and in-laws every week now, would I? Did I learn much? Definitely, but the best part wasn’t what they taught us. It was the fact that the four of us were sitting in their living room, making time to connect and share. I guess it meant a lot to me.
Sunday - Lingerie Sales People
Yuchun decided to sleep in, and I decided to go shopping. You would not believe the number of people in 1 Utama Shopping Centre at 10.30am on a Sunday. I am pleased to announce that this shopping trip was much more fruitful. And have you ever noticed how lingerie sales people are just so persistent? They’re almost like insurance salesmen. They smile, greet you, introduce themselves, offer to help you, give you a dozen recommendations, even ask if they can help you try them on (no thanks, I’m alright). I wonder how they would react to a male customer. Any takers? I’ll call it a social experiment?
Monday - Honey Milk Exfoliating Scrub
I spent 3 and a half hours in a spa today. During work hours. All in the name of work. Spa review and all y’know. For all the measly pay, at least I’m saving on beauty treats. This one’s going to last me till my wedding day. It’s my treat to myself. I know you’re supposed to do it only like the day before or something (to calm and relax you apparently), but for me, a month in advance will just have to do. And all the calming properties? Well, they were great, until I got stuck in a traffic jam for an hour.
Tuesday - Modelling Part III
Definitely much more interesting than Parts I and II combined. For starters, the makeup artist was French. For seconds, he was friendly, more than happy to make conversation, and imitated Britney gyrating at a concert (I was shocked, he says), and acting the prima donna (”do you know who I am? I’m Britney Spears” complete with hand gestures and head bobs), and getting kicked out of a New York fast food eatery. Thoroughly entertaining. Beats that Belgian idiot I might have mentioned a couple months back hands down (you know what you should tell him? You should tell him to take his shit and get out, he said when we told him the story).
Did I tell you the story? Anyway, if I didn’t, then I’ll tell it another time. I’m on the run. Again.
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I am Wanted.
Posted on May 25, 2005, by soph, under It's a Girl's Life.
I am now officially a criminal. My mother received 3 warrants threatening arrest if I don’t pay up my summonses within 14 days. Suffice to say, she freaked out. My summonses will be paid today. At least, the three that led to these warrants. (The pending 3 will have to wait.)
On my way to work, thoughts of what I could possibly do to the management were swirling in my head. Write a letter? Been done too many times. Go off during work hours to pay my summons and then tell them it’s their fault I have to do so when they question me? Doubt they’ll notice it, and it’ll probably only get me into trouble with my editor (note: editor and management are two different parties). Claim compensation for my summonses? They didn’t even raise our mileage claims when the petrol prices went up, which I believe in certain countries would have entitled us to paid strike. They make every last cent a Very Big Deal indeed. Strike? Yea right. Alone? March into the manager’s office and tell him exactly how I feel? Tried and tested (and failed) as well.
I read somewhere that keeping anger in is unhealthy. Everyone knows that. It probably makes me age faster as well, which is of course not a good thing. Perhaps it would be better to throw caution (and maturity) to the wind and just throw something at the manager or CEO. Entirely by accident of course. Or better still, I’ll just throw a molotov cocktail into one of their rooms and give us all the rest of the month off.
I bet few of you knew I had such a violent streak in me.
And of course my mum had to add, “Why didn’t you pray everytime you park your car that God will make your car invisible to the police? I told you to do it…” Yes, she is One Of Those. So maybe I’m of little faith, but I really don’t see the officers issuing summonses to the whole row of cars and missing out mine in the middle. Besides, I’m not sure I want that to happen. Will it mean my Christian colleagues are of little faith then? What if we all pray the same thing, will the officers only come and issue summonses to say, cars number 1,2,5,8,9?
Let’s not push the responsibility here. I am breaking the law after all. I do not deny that I deserve the summons. All I’m saying is the management should pay. Both literally and figuratively.
I need a big soft punching bag.
Epilogue:
By the way, my colleague has since informed me that they don’t actually arrest you. They merely track you down and clamp your car. Imagine my dad’s face if he were to see that.
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Test of Manhood
Posted on May 24, 2005, by soph, under Learning Curve.
Overheard during one of our lovely brother-sister conversations…
Me: Josh, do you pee with the seat up?
Josh: Of course.
Me: Do you drip on the rim when you pee?
Josh: (turns to look at me like I’m stupid) I’m 12 you know, not three.
At last, a way to tell the men from the boys. And you heard it from a 12 year old.
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Midnight Musings
Posted on May 23, 2005, by soph, under Uncategorized.
I love being able to say on Friday evenings, “See you Tuesday!”
There are advantages to living in a self-titled “multicultural country”, you see. Some countries proclaim that of themselves because they realize (usually with a sinking heart because let’s face it human beings are selfish and racist) there is more than one colour on the streets and they are no longer the only people that matter even though they are still the elite. Then there are those who actually demonstrate the validity of the claim by declaring public holidays of every racial festival, cultural happening and religious celebration. Like Malaysia. You just gotta love them for letting you sleep in on Mondays. And so here I am frantically tapping away past midnight, hoping that an unexplained nagging will work itself out in black and white letters so I will know what it is, and I can go to bed with a good book.
I have spent two days doing little but eat, sleep and vegetate in front of the telly. I am bringing new meaning to the term “sedentary lifestyle”, and breaking personal records for longest period of physical inactivity. I’ve toyed with the idea of tap classes (but we don’t have punk tap here which I prefer), and kickboxing sessions (but wouldn’t it be a waste of money think of what I can buy with that cash and can’t I get exercise through less expensive, read: free, means anyway). But I keep making excuses. You know what I mean. And all the eating and sleeping cycles are taking a toll. At 12.52am, I am suddenly filled with the urge to swim, run, do anything that will work up a good sweat. I figure my resolve will be gone by tomorrow morning.
Instead, what I know will still be there when the sun rises in seven hours hence is:
a) A resolve to go back to Melbourne, eat muffins, drink hot chocolate and sit in the winter sunlight with a crossword.
b) Shop like I’ve literally never shopped in my life before (the irony of it being I was never a shopper for 22 years and now that I am 42 days from a shared bank account I want to buy a chunky watch, flats, a bikini, sunnies, surf shorts, flip flops, …).
c) A restlessness that comes from serious inactivity but that does not come with a strong enough resolve to do something about it (but the weather’s so hot and I’m always busy doing something in the evenings or I’m out or…).
I’ve also been contemplating life after “I do”. A book said that the biggest shock of marriage is the sudden constant invasion of privacy. For someone who has shared a room with her sisters (note the “s”) practically all her life, it should be a relief to have only one roommate as opposed to two. It’ll be like a room upgrade or something. I guess. But then again, there are distinct limitations to living with a husband and in-laws as compared to two sisters you can ignore whenever you please. Even if they are seriously amazing people. My in-laws I mean, not my sisters. Maybe that will finally move me to get off my butt and out of the house for exercise. Maybe then when I no longer live in my house, I’ll feel that proverbial grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-urge to come back often for a swim. That’ll make my dad’s day. I’m seriously going to miss the piano though. Even if I only play it once a fortnight. I like knowing it’s there for me whenever I want it. (Hey, sometimes I even play it twice a fortnight.)
Oh and about my sisters, they’re not all that bad. I’m just glad I won’t have to marry either of them.
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Excerpts.
Posted on May 19, 2005, by soph, under It's a Girl's Life.
1.
Someone said during a Chinese New Year gathering that Someone had always told her she was getting married too young. Someone announced that Someone thought she should see the world before getting married.
But she knew that Someone had never said anything to her. And she knew that the only way she was going to see the world was to get married.
2.
Mother told her she shouldn’t lose any more weight. Mother asked her how much she weighed now.
“You know,” Mother said. “I was also that weight when I got married.”
3.
“But I don’t want to sleep,” she protests at his closed eyes. “I just woke up.”
“Come darling,” he says, reaching out with one hand to pull her down beside him. “Just rest.”
“I don’t want to rest,” she complains, as she tries to squirm and wriggle away from his arm around her.
He has gone back to sleep.
She sighs, and continues her squirming.
He mumbles through his sleep, “I love you.”
She pauses.
“I love you too,” she says, and stops wriggling.
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International Call
Posted on May 18, 2005, by soph, under It's a Girl's Life.
Yesterday I had to make a phone call to our Taiwanese counterpart. The non-existent conversation went something like this.
Computer: Thank you for calling… (All in very quick Mandarin of course). (Then in English) For Ing-ge-lis serwis, prease press 1. (Followed by another string of frantic Mandarin).
I press 1.
Computer: (In much improved English despite the Oriental accent) If you know the extension number of the person you are calling, please dial now. Otherwise, please hold for operator assistance.
I want the operator, so I hold.
Computer: Thank you for calling. (And cuts me off).
I am left staring at the phone in disbelief.
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Respek
Posted on May 18, 2005, by soph, under Web Stuff.
I can already think of all the people who will be thrilled beyond words at this. Altogether now, everybody say, thanks Eddie!
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Office highlights
Posted on May 17, 2005, by soph, under Web Stuff.
Enough whining, here’re some of the highlights of our days. Only when the Internet is working, of course.
Apparently, less than 4000 people in the world can figure out how to escape the room. There are 13 items in all. Try here.
And… favourite forwarded email of the day:
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
Starting next month
Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and get a discount on registration.
1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS.
Step by step with slide presentation.
2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion.
3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.
4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among panel of experts.
5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Help line and support groups.
6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.
7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Power Point presentation.
8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.
9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.
10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE.
Role playing.
11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
13. GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME.
Individual counselors available.
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Things I’m Going To Miss When We Move
Posted on May 17, 2005, by soph, under Career.
A date has been set, it’s really happening. We’re moving offices next month. In a fit of boredom-induced sentimentality, I’ve decided to list the things I’m going to miss about this place.
Intermittent Internet
I am appalled that a major media company that owns eight magazines cannot find it within its ability to provide its employees with the all-essential I word: Internet. Until a few hours ago, we’d been technologically crippled for over one and a half days. But I suppose it’s no biggie. The last time this happened, we were out of communicative action for more than a week. It has crossed my mind however, that the new office will not improve our Internet matters.
Running Towards My Car
I’m going to miss the mad dash outdoors everytime a uniformed gentlemen even wanders near the street. Ironically, it has come to be the only regular exercise I get. Who knows? Maybe our new office will create the same opportunities for summonses as this one. I wouldn’t put it past management I tell you. Especially since they refuse to guarantee sufficient parking space.
Rude, Rude Men
It is official. I currently work on the rudest street in this corner of the world. Every other time I walk along it, I hear cat calls, toots on the horn, or shouts of greeting - usually the infamous “ah moi”. And it doesn’t just happen to me. E-v-e-r-y single one of my colleagues experience the same thing on a regular basis. It’s almost as if there’s some kind of unspoken rule. And it is downright offensive that none of them are even marginally attractive.
The Racist Security Guard
This one, you’ve never heard. One security guard on the compound has made it his personal mission to make sure none of us can even sneak a forbidden parking space within the grounds. Well, actually, it’s just to make sure my Malay colleague can never set one wheel inside the gates. He hates her with a passion, and vice versa. Maybe because she drives a Land Rover and he’s always wanted one; maybe because she’s really pretty and he’s not; maybe because he’s just racist and she doesn’t hesitate to inform him she thinks he is. That doesn’t mean the rest of us are spared, but the screaming matches my colleague and him get into win hands down.
