Posts under ‘Parenting’

Is it too early to teach my daughter to sit like a lady?

Aug 18th, 2010
by soph.
1 comment

Our timing was a little unfortunate the day we brought Kaylin to her first wedding reception. She’d been out for much of the day, had refused to nap properly, and was really cranky by the time we got to the reception venue. It didn’t help that everyone wanted to meet her at the same time, and that the entire ballroom-ful of people clapped loudly when the guest of honour arrived, among other things.

So she screamed. And my daughter has a loud scream. Hubby and I eventually calmed her down, whereby she semi-happily settled into her stroller and made herself comfortable. Like this. It was the first time she’d done this, and funnily enough, she hasn’t done it again since. Maybe she’s waiting for the next time we dress her up for an important occasion. In any case, we were so hesitant about disturbing the peace that we left her like this all evening.

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Posted in: Daily Events, Parenting.

Making “me” time

Aug 3rd, 2010
by soph.
2 comments

More often than not, a mother’s personal needs and desires are unselfishly placed a distant second. But as mothers, we should encourage each other to overcome the guilt of occasionally meeting some of our own personal needs.

- Mother: Guilty as Charged, Chicken Soup for the Working Mom’s Soul

Too true. I have been making a conscious effort to carve out “me” time, no matter how tiny a sliver. It’s only been four months into this motherhood thing and already, I can see how quickly and easily each day melts into the next, and the next, and before I know it, a month has passed.

Right now, meeting my personal needs means getting out occasionally without first convincing myself it’s an emergency to appease my guilt about leaving baby with my mum in law and/or her maid. It means maintaining some semblance of fitness by hitting the treadmill when I can, even if it’s just 30 minutes a week (or less!). And it means working away from home sometimes. I love working at home but I also love those days when I’m in the office. I miss being around like-minded human beings, the noise and the conversation.

I went shopping by myself a couple of weeks ago, the first time since Kaylin arrived, and I even squeezed in a trip to the hairstylist’s two weeks before that. He wanted to know why I always look like a disaster (his words, not mine) everytime I walk in but that’s beside the point. One day, I will get round to that pedicure, a massage and maybe even a movie.

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Posted in: Parenting, Reading and Writing.

On our fifth wedding anniversary

Jul 7th, 2010
by soph.
5 comments

On the eve of our fifth wedding anniversary, hubby and I slept in separate rooms. No, it wasn’t because of a fight, although we did have a fight about the fact that we were sleeping in separate rooms, it was because hubby wouldn’t let me leave baby Kaylin to sleep in her room by herself. This coming from a man who one year ago said he didn’t want kids.

The husband I have today won’t let me sleep in our room because he says a burglar could break in and come upstairs and walk past our open door to Kaylin’s room to – wait for it – kidnap her and whisk her away to Thailand. And so I have to sleep with her in her room. At least until he installs double locks on our front door.

It was weird and outrageous and (I’ll admit) kinda sweet and adorable all at the same time, although when he said it to me, the tired mother-of-his-child who hasn’t had a night of unbroken sleep in over three months, at two o’clock in the morning, well, let’s just say it was a lot less endearing.

Of course, I understand where he’s coming from. I can’t imagine what I would do if anything were to happen to Kaylin. A fellow mum once told me she never knew she could love a person so much until her daughter was born. Finally, I know what she means. This panic, however irrational, that I feel every time I imagine something going wrong is normal, right? As is getting all emotional over articles like this 2010 Pulitzer Prize winner (warning: it’s a real heartbreaker).

Hubby likes to tell people that becoming a father hasn’t changed him. He tells me it hasn’t made him more emotional or worried or panicky. That’s in broad daylight. In the middle of the night, when all is dark and still, I guess that’s when the truth comes out. Happy anniversary to us!

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Posted in: Marriage, Parenting.

Baby’s first vaccinations

May 31st, 2010
by soph.
2 comments

A friend told me he found his baby’s vaccinations traumatic. A neighbour said she cried the first time her baby had a vaccination. Kaylin had received vaccinations the day she was born and the day after but I wasn’t witness to either of them, so when it came time for more injections (yes, plural), I wasn’t sure how I would respond.

Can I first say how amazed I am at the number of vaccinations that are recommended for babies nowadays? The paediatrician gave me a list charting Kaylin’s injections right up to about two years or something and it is long. Also, they’re really expensive, but that’s my fault because we went to a paed as opposed to a GP.

I guess moments like this are when I’m extra glad for Kaylin’s thunder thighs (said with all my love) because I’m guessing jabs would hurt a lot more if she were skinny. The doctor stuck the needle into one thigh, there was a split-second pause, and then Kaylin opened her mouth and screamed. He did the same to the other thigh and Kaylin screamed so hard her face turned dark purple. I’d never seen someone do that before.

When it was over, I buttoned up Kaylin’s onesie, picked her up and held her, and within seconds, she stopped screaming. Just like that. There wasn’t a tear in her eye – my daughter hardly cries tears, which makes me wonder if most of the time she’s scolding/screaming at me instead of actually crying – and to my relief, there wasn’t a tear in mine either.

I guess I went in pretty matter-of-fact about it because vaccinations are good for Kaylin. At least, they’re supposed to be. And while being a new mother has seen me get emotional and/or panicky from time to time, usually when I imagine something happening to my baby, it seems vaccinations aren’t one of those things. Which is great because we’ve got another doctor’s visit coming up next month.

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Posted in: Parenting.

Not your typical baby full moon fare

Apr 23rd, 2010
by soph.
4 comments

For Kaylin’s full moon, we decided to eschew the usual red eggs, yellow rice and curry chicken in favour of these:

They were painstakingly handmade by a good friend of my mother-in-law and the detail on them is amazing. Look!

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Posted in: Parenting.

Baby Kaylin is one month old!

Apr 21st, 2010
by soph.
6 comments

This is a photo of baby Kaylin in what her daddy calls her “I am a champion” pose. She likes to sleep like this. And she’s just starting to smile although this photo was a total fluke on my part.

Many people ask me what it feels like now that I’m a mum. I never know what to say, because the truth is, I don’t really know. I don’t feel any different – I’m still me, only these days, I spend most of my time eating, sleeping, breastfeeding and changing diapers. Also, I have the cutest baby girl whose very first talents seem to be feeding endlessly and projectile pooping because I never knew poop could shoot out of somebody like that.

Hubby and I are completely fascinated by baby Kaylin, from her little noises – and believe me, she is full of them – to her many facial expressions. But one month on, there are still days when I look at her and can’t believe we have a daughter. I can’t believe she’s ours, for us to love, protect and raise. I can’t imagine her growing up and going to school and all that other stuff. In short, I can’t believe we’re parents.

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Posted in: Parenting.

Do you keep people waiting?

Feb 16th, 2010
by soph.
1 comment

I don’t mean punctuality – I will be the first to admit I’ve often shown up a little later than I would have liked for lunch dates and appointments; I mean like when someone is waiting for you at your door to pick you up, or the family is waiting for you so they can sit down to dinner together… that sort of thing.

I ask because I was raised to move my ass the instant someone called, and when I married Y, I was surprised to discover that he wasn’t. In fact, he has no problem keeping his family waiting while he finishes something up, whereas I’d be the one standing at the door (or the dining table) going, “Come on, your parents are waiting.”

It was a bit of a “culture shock” the first few years, but now I’m used to it, if not entirely comfortable with it still. More and more I’m beginning to see how Y and I are rubbing off on each other. These days, he definitely moves that much quicker when someone is waiting for him while I, on the other hand, am learning that it’s okay to be a little slower sometimes. I hope we’re changing for the better.

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Posted in: Marriage, Parenting.

How far would you go to get into Cambridge University?

Jan 18th, 2010
by soph.
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Some of the neighbourhood kids have been doing their university applications and with my brother-in-law just starting college, we’ve been hearing lots of talk about who got into Cambridge University and who’s applying to do what course. Mostly, who got into Cambridge.

At last count, at least one of my brother’s friends has been accepted into the prestigious UK university while two others are on the waiting list. But what’s surprising isn’t how many seriously smart kids we have around here, it’s that one of them apparently told my brother he paid an English tuition teacher RM500 to write his personal statement for his application.

Now I don’t know if he paid the teacher to sit down and go through his essay with him and sort of coach him through it, or whether he paid the teacher to write it entirely. Obviously a teacher who would agree to the latter is of rather questionable character but that’s beside the point. The point is, no one seems to think there’s anything wrong with it!

I’ve heard comments about how it’s perfectly okay, that lots of other people cheat on their applications anyway, that sometimes you have to cheat a little to get ahead in this world… I mean, assuming it’s the second situation. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with seeking help in structuring or editing an essay and having someone go through it with you as long as you wrote it yourself.

Which makes me think, how far would parents go to ensure their child gets into a top university? How much are they willing to sacrifice just so they can tell other parents their son or daughter is studying in Cambridge? And by sacrifice I don’t mean financially, not at all. I mean morally.

Again, I don’t know exactly what the deal is with this kid but the whole incident just made me think really hard. The news shocked me, the reaction baffled me and now it’s just scaring me. Because what if, one day, my kid wants to apply to university and I think nothing of allowing him/her to cheat on the application? What if I become one of those parents who are so blinded by prestige I gladly sacrifice my integrity and the integrity of my child so he or she can get what she wants? Or worse, so they can get what I want.

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Posted in: Parenting.

This November, please be grateful. Thank you

Nov 27th, 2009
by soph.
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As the Americans recover from their Thanksgiving dinners, I am thankful that today is a public holiday for me as Muslims celebrate Hari Raya Aidiladha. I am thankful for the long weekend and I am thankful that I have far more to be thankful for than I can possibly list. And believe me, I am very good at making lists.

When I was growing up, my father taught me to be grateful for everything I had and my mother taught me the importance of saying please and thank you. It’s a habit (lifestyle?) I hope to pass on to my kid. To my mother, saying please and thank you was probably more about good manners but to me, it’s also about respect. I say please and thank you to everyone because I think everyone deserves respect – from my boss to my maid to the guy who collects my garbage – and this is my small way of showing it on a regular basis.

One of the traits that I admire the most in people isn’t their determination or their talent although those are wonderful things to emulate and to have, it is the ability to treat everybody with respect and to treat everybody the same. I admire it because I don’t see it very often and I wish I could say I look at every single person equally but the truth is, sometimes I don’t. I am distracted by status, race, age, appearance… the many things that consciously or unconsciously influence how we behave towards other people. So I’m working on it and I probably will for a long time.

Oh dear and this was supposed to be a post about being thankful. You know all those stories about starving African children that parents always repeat when their kids won’t finish their food? Well, it worked on me. Whining and complaining was something my father did not look kindly upon. Don’t like your dinner? Think about all the starving children who don’t even have food to eat. Whining about homework? You should be so lucky to have the opportunity to go to school and get a good education.

You’d think this sort of thing repeated over, I don’t know, 20 years would have made me quite immune to it, but instead, it’s stuck. I find myself saying the same thing on occasion to my youngest siblings and sounding about 40 years old in the process. I’ll probably say the same thing to my kid. But I really think being grateful is so important. It puts things into perspective and shows me what a whiny brat I’m being.

So today, I’m going to take several moments to remember all the things I’m thankful for. From this laptop I’m tapping away on to my husband who still refuses to get up even though it’s noon. From the baby that’s kicking inside of me to our families who I know might spend the next 20 years telling us how to bring him or her up. For my many, many blessings, I am grateful.

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Posted in: Parenting.

Grades vs. Character

Mar 13th, 2009
by soph.
13 comments

SPM results were released yesterday and I’ve been hearing all these horror stories that make me question if our next generation of teens are ruined. Mother-in-law told me about neighbourhood kids who cried their eyes out because they’d scored 10A1s and 1A2, about parents who put their children down in public because they’d scored “only 9A1s.”

I was shocked. Brother-in-law, who takes the exam later this year, shed some light. The aim is to achieve straight A1s. It doesn’t matter how many you get, as long as you score a single A2 or – God forbid – a B3, your results are moot. You are no longer a “straight A1 student.” Everyone, he tells me, is very kiasu (translation: afraid of losing out) about it.

People think Chinese schools are competitive but I was from a Chinese school and I tell you we have nothing on these kids.

Who or what makes them think anything less than an A1 is a disaster? Why are kids crying their eyes out over results any sane human being would be proud of? Whatever happened to, “As long as you try your best, daddy and mummy are right behind you and support you”?

It’s insane, really. And I can’t help but wonder if the same kids who care so deeply about their grades care about the other (more) important things in life. Strength of character. Integrity. Selflessness and concern for others. Being grateful for their many opportunities and privileges. Because from what I’ve heard, it sure doesn’t look that way.

What kind of message are their parents sending? Did you know that in some schools, you can “bribe” clubs and societies for perfect attendance so your school record looks better when you graduate? Except it’s not called “bribing”, as I was informed, it’s called “helping.” Funny, when cops ask for a bribe they use the same word too – help.

“If you had to choose between having the best results or being known as the person with the best, most upright character,” I asked one kid. “Which would you choose?”

Here’s the scary part – she couldn’t answer the question.

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Posted in: Parenting.

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