I have been sent home with a medical certificate to await the arrival of the little one because, as the doctor put it, it could be any day now. Hubby’s on standby and in the meantime, I’ve been working from home. Which I love. Our baby definitely takes after the father – active at night, has long legs, doesn’t do as it’s told (as poor J, who has been trying to get baby to kick for him for months will attest to), and now, impatient! I think hubby is secretly proud.
Posts under ‘Pregnancy’
Is it okay to rub a pregnant woman’s belly?
One of many a pregnant woman’s pet peeves is how people seem to think it’s okay to walk up to her and rub her belly. While I’ve been lucky enough to not experience too many unwelcome encounters – I think I’ve only had three or four people I don’t really know come up to me and rub my belly so far – it’s enough for me to understand how these women feel.
A friend once asked if I’ve had many people rub my belly because, as she put it, “a pregnant woman’s belly is like public property.” Can I just say, it is not. I don’t mind you copping a rub if I know you really well, or if you ask, but if you’re just an acquaintance and you don’t even ask, then it’s not cool.
An aunty I see occasionally on the street where I work once walked right up to me and started rubbing my belly, and I don’t know if she noticed, but I almost flinched, only partly in surprise.
Friends who’ve had babies or husbands whose wives have had babies totally understand. In fact, it’s the husbands who usually caution others, “Don’t touch,” while the wives usually ask, “Can I touch?” If I know you, it’s probably fine. If you ask first, it’s probably fine.
I understand it’s almost instinctive for some – I noted with amusement an acquaintance who automatically reached out when she found out I was pregnant and then pulled back when she realised she was standing too far away to reach my belly – but for the sake of all pregnant women out there, especially the less touchy-feely ones, do try to ask permission first. After all, it’s only polite.
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36 Weeks: Baby’s first toy
My boss recently got back from the UK and he brought with him baby’s first toy! (How sweet of him.) He said they didn’t have this in gender-neutral colours so he went with the blue because he thinks we might be having a boy. Having spent the last couple of weeks baby shopping, I must say this gender-neutral thing is a lot trickier than I thought it would be. I bought a blue changing mat the other day because the store only had it in blue or pink, and then, just to balance it out, I bought a pink bath towel. I’ve been thinking if I should name the bunny. I love how he sits in the pouch.
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Playing guess the baby’s sex
Since Y and I have decided to keep the sex of our baby a surprise, everyone’s been having plenty of fun trying to guess if baby is a boy or a girl. From my colleagues to our families to even the aunty who runs the beauty salon next door at work, people just keep coming up to me and declaring their verdicts.
Most of them don’t even explain why they think it’s one or the other, though our families seem to be going by the theory that a small, neat and sharp-ish bump indicates a boy. But I’m glad everyone’s getting in on the fun. In fact, the office has even started a betting pool to guess baby’s sex and the date of birth. So far, the majority seems to think we could be having a boy, so if it turns out otherwise, those four people who bet baby girl are in for a treat.
Both our mums are also leaning towards boy, although I must add that all their guesses are followed by a “but”. As in, “I think it’s a boy but I thought your sister was a boy too because my bump was so neat when I was carrying her” (my mum). And, “It looks like it could be a boy but I was so sure [Y's sister] was a boy too until she came out” (my mum-in-law).
As for hubby and myself, our first guess was that we’re having a boy. Hubby was so sure we even bought boys’ clothes when we got a voucher that we had to spend before the end of last year. Recently, though, I’ve been thinking it might be a girl, and hubby woke up one morning last week convinced of the same. So we’ll see. One of my new-mummy friends told me the woman always knows instinctively, but I think my instincts are just as confused as I am.
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34 Weeks: The first stretch mark
I suppose it was only a matter of time, but we’ve discovered my first stretch mark on my belly. Actually, make that stretch marks. I have two, one on either side of my baby bump, and really, if Y hadn’t pointed them out, I might not even have noticed (that’s how big my bump is becoming).
Sometime towards the end of my first trimester, I was told that in order to prevent stretch marks, I would have to apply stretch-mark cream right from the minute I found out I was pregnant, and not just once a day but several times a day! I thought it was a bit extreme. I mean, who has time to apply cream on their tummy several times throughout the day?
So I went out and got myself a big bottle of Bio-Oil and started applying that every night instead. I’ve kept it up most nights since my second trimester, although I admit to occasionally being too lazy or too tired every once in a while. There are plenty of fantastic stretch-mark creams out there, or so I’ve been told, but I picked Bio-Oil because: 1) Lots of people have told me how good it is; 2) It’s really affordable.
Until recently, I thought I was doing pretty well. Then I found out that the real challenge lies ahead. Apparently, I’m going to absolutely balloon in these last weeks and it’s when you grow really big really fast that stretch marks develop. As if to underline the point, Y discovered these first marks that very night. They’re fairly small but a rather defiant purplish colour, kind of like bruises.
I’m preparing myself for more – as Y put it, “Of course you’re going to get stretch marks, you’re carrying a baby inside you for nine months!” – but in the meantime, I also don’t think I’ll be playing hooky from my nightly Bio-Oil routine anymore.
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Is this what it feels like to have pregnancy mood swings?
Sometime last week, I sort of lost my temper at Y while at my in-laws’. I almost never do that, and the problem with being so easygoing/reserved in general is that people tend to panic and overreact at the first sign of emotion from me. That night, they saw emotion. Believe me, if I’d really lost my temper it would not have been so mild.
The following day, when it was just me and my in-laws, my father-in-law basically suggested that if Y came home from work in a bad mood, I should leave him alone. I’m sure he meant it in a peacemaking kind of way – he did say it so very, very nicely – but he also said: “Sometimes we men, when we have a bad day at work…”
My first thought was, “Excuse me, but I’m over seven months pregnant and working full-time, but I still don’t think it would be fair for me to come home and give Y attitude just because I had a bad day.” But I didn’t say anything. Or rather, I didn’t say anything to express my disagreement. Probably because my father-in-law said it so nicely, and because I’m generally a non-confrontational person unless you’re my immediate family or my husband.
After I got home, however, I got really annoyed at the chauvinistic implications of that remark. The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I got – not so much at my father-in-law, but at myself for not saying anything. And the more I stewed in my frustration, the more worked-up I became. The worst part was, I didn’t know if I was overreacting because of all the pregnancy hormones (I’ve been on the look-out for mood swings since day one) or if it really was as big a deal as I was quickly making it out to be.
So I did what I do best – write. I sat down at my laptop and started to write this post. I got as far as the second paragraph… and my frustration completely dissipated. I contemplated deleting everything since I was no longer annoyed, but decided to keep at it. And the more I wrote, the calmer I felt and the more convinced I became that, yes, it was those hormones after all.
I was initially going to title this post, “This will teach me to be so damn un-confrontational.” Then I thought I’d make it about how I was no longer upset about my father-in-law’s remark because I understand and appreciate the fact that he meant well. Now, I think it’s about how my pregnancy hormones are (finally) kicking in and screwing with me because, as hubby will testify, it’s been pretty peaceful so far. (Thank God for that.)
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The confinement debate – I’m so not doing it
Lots of people have been wanting to know if I’m planning to get a confinement lady for after I give birth. The answer is no. I had a chat about this with my mum sometime in my first trimester which resulted in me pretty much putting my foot down on the issue. Actually, stomping is more like it.
From what I’ve been told, traditional Chinese confinement practices include not bathing and washing your hair for a month, no going out, eating as much ginger and chicken as possible and then some, and not drinking any water that hasn’t first been boiled/mixed with red dates.
I have no problems with not going out, it’s the no bathing part that I cannot tolerate. I understand how it might be a good idea in China, where I assume these practices originated from, when the winters are bitterly cold and most people only shower once a week or less anyway, but to even suggest such a thing when we live practically on the equator is completely ridiculous to me.
Also, how can not drinking water for a month be a good idea? It amazes me that my mother, who spent much of my childhood telling my sisters and I to “use our common sense” is unable to do the same when it comes to Chinese confinement practices. Don’t get me wrong, I know how important it is for me to rest and recover well post-birth, I just think people also need to consider the origins of these traditions, the reasons and context surrounding them, and how they apply to us who no longer live in China.
I know a confinement lady can be a great help in many ways, and not all of them are as scary and crazy as I’ve imagined them to be in my mind, but honestly, I don’t really want to take the risk. If childbirth and the month proceeding it is as awful as my mother has made it out to be – a part of me wonders why she had four children if it was all so miserable or if she’s just saying it to scare me into getting a confinement lady – then I want to make sure I’m as comfortable and relaxed as possible. And the last thing I’ll need is a stranger invading my bedroom and nagging me everytime I want a shower.
Did you have a traditional Chinese confinement? What are some of the other things you cannot do during your confinement?
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Why he likes watching TV with his unborn baby
This being our first pregnancy, hubby and I were completely unsure what to expect in terms of the physical changes that I would be going through. But I’ve been really lucky. Y not only loves my bump and the fact that our baby is kicking away inside me (he thinks it’s really cute and I have to agree), he’s also been sharing in the, shall we say, benefits of it. He explains in this series he posted on his Twitter page:
Why I like watching TV with my unborn baby #1: Armrest
Why I like watching TV with my unborn baby #2: Easy access remote control
Why I like watching TV with my unborn baby #3: Cup holder
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30 Weeks: The baby bump
We have a proper picture of my baby bump! Hubby and I finally got round to taking a photo, partly because I think the pregnant body is beautiful, and partly because I know that if we don’t, I’m going to look back years down the line and regret not having any pictures from my first pregnancy. My bump has really grown in the last week or so. One minute I was still fairly small, the next minute – boom! And it’s only going to get bigger (and faster) from here on.
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29 Weeks: A dozen dos and don’ts
As you can imagine, lots of well-meaning people have offered tips and advice on what I should and should not do while pregnant. I appreciate all the good intentions, I really, really do, and being pregnant has made me feel so loved because everyone has been such absolute sweethearts about looking out for me, buying (unisex) presents for our baby and making sure I’m eating plenty.
Having said that, I’m also Chinese and if there’s one thing the Chinese are very good at, besides math, it’s coming up with all sorts of dos and don’ts. Or superstitions, as some prefer to call them. So I’ve decided to share some of the things I’ve heard here. It’s by no means a comprehensive list, just whatever I can remember, and you’re more than welcome to add to my collection in the comments section.
1. Don’t watch horror movies. (No problems there, I don’t like horror movies.)
2. Don’t eat pineapple. (Oops!)
3. Don’t eat too much ice cream or other cold foods. (Oops!)
4. Don’t do any renovations to my house. If renovations are going on at my neighbour’s, try to stay with my in-laws.
5. Don’t gamble.
6. Don’t sew anything. (No worries there. Come to think of it, I don’t even own a needle and thread.)
7. Don’t use a hammer or make holes in anything.
8. Don’t eat crabs or your baby will grow up liking to pinch people. (Oops!)
9. Do drink lots of soya bean milk and eat other white foods so my baby will have fair skin.
10. Don’t eat or drink too much dark foods. Like coffee, for example. (Er, does chocolate count?)
11. Do look at pictures of good-looking people or cute things so my baby will come out cute. (I work at two celebrity and entertainment magazines, that’s got to help.)
12. Eat more. (Okay, about this one, I think I only need something like an extra 300 calories a day. I am not really supposed to be eating for two.)
On a slightly different note, I can’t believe I’m almost 30 weeks pregnant. I literally just counted. No wonder I’m like, huge all of a sudden. And hubby and I have made zero preparations. We haven’t bought a thing!
