In the words of the legendary Jackie Chan, Who Am I?
…’tis the question that I’ve been asking myself.
Do the people who surround me influence my personality when I’m with them? If I am then consistently surrounded by the same people, will the influenced personality suppress the real one? Is there even a “real” one, or are external influences the very way by which personalities are developed? Do the expectations of others influence us to behave in a certain way? And if so, do we develop personalities according to the expectations of other people? Are we really “ourselves” with our friends and family? Can we truly be without worrying about what they will think of us?
I’m sure there are people who can do so, and I’m pretty sure I am not one of them. I believe this ties in with what Alex wrote about once. Why do we care what people think of us? I reckon at the end of the day, it’s all about love and acceptance. And man, I am such an insecure being. Even when it comes to people I don’t even know.
It’s become a reflex. I smile. I agree. I give in. I don’t question people until later on when I’ve snapped out of my goofy mode and become really angry at some previous injustice. Of course by then it’s too late because I’ve already smiled and agreed to whatever it was that has just taken place. And I don’t even think twice, hence the use of the word “reflex”.
But for all my whinging, if there was a pill I could take to cure the Goofy within, would I take it?
I think I just might.
I’m going through a rebellious stage. Family aside, people who know me will have gotten glimpses of it, more so in recent years, but most of the rebelling takes place in my head. Yes, after I have already smiled and agreed, in the quietness of my own mind, in the darkness of the night, in the privacy of my own room. Usually after I’ve actually thought about it and hit myself for not speaking my mind in the first place.
I think it needs to stop. I mean, can you imagine the amount of trouble I’d get into for agreeing to everything with a smile when I start work? I need to get real, literally.
