Knowing that I can’t have it all, and being totally okay with it

The more I read about successful people, the more I realise that you cannot have work/life balance if you want to be extraordinary. You can have work/life balance and be comfortable, content, affluent even, but to be extraordinary? To be vastly more successful than the average worker bee on the street? There just aren’t enough hours in a day. You don’t become super successful by working the same hours as everyone else. And if you’re not willing to put in the extra hours, well, there are plenty of people out there who are.

To become very successful at anything requires dedication and hard work (read: long hours spent on that thing you do, whatever it is). For some people that might mean sacrificing family time, for others it might mean forgoing sleep, exercise and their social life. The bottom line is sacrifices have to be made, which brings me to my other realisation: I cannot have it all.

I once asked Kimora Lee Simmons what she would say to women who want to “have it all”. Her answer was essentially: yes, she appears to “have it all” but she doesn’t sleep much and she doesn’t hang out with her friends a whole lot, because her waking moments are devoted to her kids and her partner and her fashion line and her reality TV show and… In other words, she doesn’t have a lot of time to rest or have fun. Christina Soong of The Hungry Australian put it another way: you can have it all, just not all at once. Which makes sense. Because again, there just aren’t enough hours in a day.

As a writer who works from home, I have what many mums would call an ideal arrangement. I’m able to earn an income while still being a pseudo full-time mum to the 5yo. I do school drop offs and pick ups, shuttling to gymnastics and swimming, and even parent helper duty once a week. I’m available for special events and occasions at school, and I’m also available for special events and occasions with my mostly stay-at-home-mum girlfriends. Do I love it? Absolutely, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But as a former entertainment journo, to say that I’m focused on my career at this point would be a gross exaggeration.

Penelope Trunk, whom I love and frequently link to, recently wrote about giving up her career for her kids. Early this year, I had a conversation with a girlfriend about pursuing a career in media, and we agreed that we just didn’t want it badly enough. I know I’m not willing to sacrifice being here for the kid, and if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure I want to give up sleep, exercise and my vibrant social life that, most days, only takes place between the hours of 9 and 6. That’s 9am and 6pm in case you’re wondering, not the other way around.

I’m immensely grateful for all that I have and for this season in my life, but I am neither successful in my career nor do I have it all. Even better, I don’t care to pretend that I am, I do or I want to be. Like all seasons, this will pass and there will come a time when I might make a different choice or even do something else, but for now, this is totally okay by me. And it’s totally okay to say that.

#motherhood#parenting

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