Movie Review: New Moon

Being neither Team Edward nor Team Jacob (that is what they call them, yes?), I actually didn’t plan on watching this. I saw Twilight but that was on DVD and way after all the initial hype had come and gone. I remember thinking how amazing it was that such a mediocre film could incite such mania and decided the books on which the franchise is based must be very good. Never read those either.

Then sister no. 1 rings me up the very week New Moon is released and as it turns out, not only is she a huge Team Edward supporter (actually, now that I think about it, she is; I’d simply forgotten), she’s also inviting sister no.2 and myself to join her in her little swoon-fest – her treat. Of course I said yes.

Well, I must say Robert Pattinson is extraordinarily pretty as Edward Cullen, even if I found it ironic how the immortal is the one going around looking deathly pale, but it was rather difficult to appreciate him fully when I kept rolling my eyes every time he spoke. He had probably the cheesiest lines in recent cinematic memory, and actually, to say he “spoke” is a little overstating it. Murmured is more like it.

If not for one little fight scene and one not-so-little topless scene, Edward would have spent practically the entire film standing around mumbling bad lines. Oh there was one running-in-slow-motion-through-the-woods-with-Bella scene but all that did really was conjure flashbacks of that Bollywood Anakin-rolling-down-the-hill-with-Padme scene in Star Wars Episode II. Ugh. Thanks for that.

Speaking of Bella Swan, while I thought she looked better than I remembered, every Twilight fan I’ve encountered so far seems to feel either one of three things about her: a) she’s annoying; b) she’s a loser; c) all of the above. Was that supposed to happen?

I guess that doesn’t really matter since most of the audience was there to either drool over Edward or swoon at Jacob Black a.k.a. Taylor Lautner’s newly-acquired abs anyway. In a painfully draggy, largely unmemorable film, those two hog the spotlight by default, simply – and sadly – because there’s nothing much else worth talking about.

Verdict: C