Knowing I’ve got a long day ahead does not help. I am simply not in the mood today. I cannot wait for lunch so I can go home and see my Grandma and the very recently-reunited siblings (Jessie came back last night). Or at least, we will be reunited once I show up.
My current, immediate sentiments can best be described in that phrase my sisters and I shamelessly ripped off the movie Ever After – (I am in a) foul disposition. It’s a slight exaggeration considering I’m probably just grumpy and sleepy and restless, but it sounds right. I like the melodrama of it.
I totally should not be blogging at work.
I am also totally up. to. here. with people who PMS (read: mood swings) first thing in the morning and spread mood-dampening germs around. More than that, I am utterly annoyed that their germs affect me!
We had a good chat with Sivin (a thousand thanks, Sivin, appreciate it more than we probably let on) last night – it was almost therapeutic, except on a more spiritual level. This is probably also what psychologists are paid to do, minus the God-talk.
I don’t normally talk about me. Well, not me the person anyway. As Y will attest, I talk lots about me in relation to what I do and what people in relation to me do (usually that means work stuff). So to, in a way, be forced to verbalise normally-silent mullings and ruminations is, in a weird sense, liberating – if not also slightly confusing for the listeners – because to articulate those thoughts is to be as random and incomplete and uncertain as the thoughts themselves.
It’s also liberating because it forces me to confront an issue I’ve been working on for the past few years – learning not to care so much about what other people think about me. That fear of ‘what will people think’ probably plays a bigger role in my sayings and doings than I would like, but I am pleased to note that I am learning not. to. care. As much.
See, this is what happens when I procrastinate at work – I get all self-aware and start rambling.
