I found this interesting phrase in an overseas mag a couple months back – Approval Whore. Also known as approval prostitute, it simply means a person who will do anything for approval from others.
The story begins with a woman who plays the piano only when she’s all by herself because she feels bad about making other people listen to her music. Then her dog comes into the room, and she is overcome with guilt when she makes a mistake because she thinks she’s spoiling the listening experience for her dog.
That’s what an approval whore does – live in constant fear and guilt that he or she is inconveniencing, troubling, wrecking anyone or anything belonging to anyone. (Yes, including a dog’s musical listening experience, but she is a pretty extreme example.) These people survive only on approval from others, and the mere thought of someone being unhappy with them is grounds for suicide (okay, now I’m the one being extreme).
You get what I mean. These are the people who go out of their way to make everyone happy, who appear utterly selfless and totally giving, but if you look closer, are just scurrying around trying to gain the approval of every Tom, Dick and Sally. These are the people who feel bad over the slightest imagined infraction, or are consumed with guilt over the most insignificant of matters, when most of the time it really isn’t their fault at all.
I guess my question then is, are you one? Because I’ve been asking myself the same thing.
Sure, I don’t feel bad about playing bad music in front of my family, let alone my dog, but that doesn’t prove anything really, because the woman who did is frankly, just batty and it’s a miracle she has lived to her however many years old she is. I do wonder however, if in some enigmatic twist of my inner workings, I am indeed an approval whore. One who although demonstrates a rebellious streak that gets her into trouble occasionally, finds herself unable to say no to people. And who stutters in apology when she has to. It’s almost like a really bad reflex that I can’t stop.
Then there’s the I-can’t-live-with-people-not-being-happy-with-me part. I mean, what is that all about? Everyone knows you can’t please everyone, and let’s face it there are some people on this earth who are just too damn hard to please. That or I shouldn’t even bother because firstly, I don’t have to and secondly, I can’t. Hell, sometimes I don’t even know for sure if it’s me that they are unhappy with in the first place.
The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced I’m an approval whore, albeit one who is rapidly recovering. Not an extreme one like Batty Lady, not to everyone like before, but in every sense of the word in certain situations and towards certain people.
And it’s time to stop.
So the next time you catch me fervently agreeing to everything put to me and you just happen to know it’s not me but my reflex nodding and smiling, hit me over the head. Please.
