Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know.
He says: Which magazine do you think has the best writing?
I say: I think Time magazine is one of the best.
He says: Okay, so every morning when you wake up, you have to think, ‘Today I’m going to write as well as Time magazine does.’
I say: If I can do that, I wouldn’t be here, I’d be there.
He says: And why not? You should aim to [tell your boss], ‘Goodbye, I’m going to write for Time.’
Wise words. Not sure what my boss would think about it though, especially when he hired the consultant.
Him: You always destroy everything of mine that you use.
Me: That’s not fair! Name one thing I’ve destroyed.
Him: …
Me: Go on! Name one thing.
Him: If you had driven my car and gotten into an accident, you would have destroyed my car.
Me: ??!!
This would be even funnier if I hadn’t wanted to kill him.
E: I see that you guys are more in love than when you were here. And you’re so blessed, with beautiful friends, home, career… life!
Me: We’re so incredibly blessed. I keep telling Y that. And I think it’s a mixture of us both understanding each other more, compromising more and being more comfortable about showing affection for each other around other people.
E: How great is that.
Me: It took Y a few years to show affection in front of even the guys!
E: Don’t you think it’s so much more beautiful that you can tell each other I am loving you more after we got married?
Me: Yep. A lot of people say that but it’s only now that I’m married that I’m understanding why.
Continuing in the vein of yesterday’s post, this is an example of why I love my fellow Potatoes.
The following email exchange takes place between 6.01pm and 6.33pm on 8 January 2009. R has just received a list of interview times for a bunch of up and coming Mandopop artistes and because I’m the only one who can conduct an interview in semi-decent Mandarin, I’m getting the assignment(s) – all three of them!
***
hi hi
The below are new artistes that Uni is promoting. I think we should do them. The first three speak Mandarin. You want Soph to do?
R
***
eh, soph can :) please *Runs for cover*
thank you!
MA
***
*Takes torchlight and starts rummaging in the bushes to see if MA is hiding in them*
Soph
***
*Puts on invisibility cloak and thinks about hiding in trees*
MA
***
I am a mind reader hahaha.
Soph
***
*I put on aluminium hat like the one in The Signs*
MA
***
*Concentrating hard……* TOING! *Hits aluminium* Shit.
Soph
***
R: What are you all talking about?
I knew he was trouble the minute I laid eyes on him. He talked too much, he seemed too sure of himself, he was… well, annoying. And that was just in the first 60 seconds.
A couple of hours later, I was standing at the doorway when he looked up from a conversation he was having with a few people around him.
“I thought you were Jojo Struys the first time I saw you,” he said in my general direction. No “hello”, nothing. I had never spoken to him in my life. I looked at him.
“I was going to come up and say hi because you know, she’s a personal friend of mine. But then I looked again and realised you weren’t her. She’s much prettier than you.”
I swear, you could almost hear some of the guys around us gasp. But Mr. Fatty didn’t wait for my reaction, simply turned back and continued his conversation. I didn’t say anything. Jojo Struys is a local radio DJ and artiste and I look nothing like her.
“A few of us are planning to make a movie,” he said in my general direction again. “You want to be in it?”
The guys around us were waiting to see how I would react. Not Mr. Fatty. He went right back to his conversation. He seems to enjoy talking at people without waiting for a response.
“I don’t think so,” I said, just loud enough for the others to hear.
My brother-in-law is discovering the joys of teenage infatuations, not that he would ever admit it. One morning over breakfast while we were in London…
Me: Hey, did you want to get the necklace I bought the other day for your girlfriend?
Bro: [Careful pause] Mummy likes the necklace. It’s for… her friend. I don’t have a girlfriend.
Me: Okay. Then can you please tell mummy that I got that necklace from H&M in case she wants to buy it for “her friend”?
Bro: Okay. [Concentrates on his tub of yoghurt]
There is a long pause while the both of us continue eating breakfast.
Bro: Why don’t you tell mummy yourself… since I have no personal interest in the necklace.
I burst out laughing.
The boys and I are having supper at McDonald’s one night.
A: Watching Friday Night Lights makes me want to play American football.
B: Ya, I know what you mean. Watching 30 Rock makes me want to work on a TV show too.
Me: Watching Lipstick Jungle makes me want to go shopping!
Silence.
B: Watching porn makes me want to have sex?
Okay, fine.
I think it’s really sweet when someone special calls just to say hello, but that habit never caught on for Y and myself. Back when we were in a long-distance relationship, talking once or twice a week was all we were getting in, so never mind calling once or twice a day just to hear his voice or mine.
Recently though, he’s been keeping awful hours at work again, and I am not kidding when I say I see him less than two hours a day – if I stay awake late enough to clock in the minutes. So when he went in to work today (it’s Saturday, by the way) right after a quick lunch, I decided to give him a ring around five o’clock to say hello. He didn’t pick up, but rang me back from the office line a minute later.
Me: Hey.
Y: Hi.
Me: Are you still in the office?
Y: Yep. Why?
Me: Nothing. I just called to see where you are. Are you playing basketball later?
Y: Yep.
Me: Okay. Bye.
Y: Bye.
Two minutes later, my phone rang again, this time from Y’s mobile.
Me: Hello.
Y: Hi, darling.
Me: Where are you?
Y: I’m on the way back. Why did you call me?
Me: Err… what do you mean?
Y: You called me, right?
Me: Err… yes, and you already called me back, right?
Y: So why did you call me?
Me: I… already told you. I just called to see where you were and to say hi. Because I’ve only seen you for like two seconds all day.
Y: Oh.
So apparently, this concept is still new to the hubby.
Someone rang me on my mobile today. When I said ‘Hello’, he said ‘Siapa ini? (Who are you?)’
Now why would you call someone if you didn’t know who they were?
I answered, ‘Siapa ini?’ And he hung up.
Thirty seconds later, my phone rang again. When I said ‘Hello’, he said again ‘Siapa ini?’
I said ‘Cari siapa? (Who do you want to speak to?)’
Pause.
He handed the phone to someone else. I repeated my question. He said something I didn’t catch; a name, presumably.
‘You have the wrong number,’ I told him.
‘What?’
‘You have the wrong number.’
Pause.
‘Really? Come on lah.’
??!????!!!
I didn’t even know what to say to that. He said it again. I told him he had the wrong number again. He finally hung up, just as I was about to myself. I hope he was rather embarrassed.
Come on lah?! Hmmph.
Hubby was doing his customary channel surfing when we came across an episode of Gossip Girl that we’d already seen.
***
Me: (Points to Carter) He’s rumoured to be going out with… what’s her name again?
Hubby: Who?
Me: Serena’s best friend.
Hubby: Blair.
Me: Yes, Blair. He’s rumoured to be going out with Blair.
Hubby: I want to go out with Serena.
Me: You can’t. She’s going out with Penn Badgley.
Hubby: Can you tell me when they break up? Then I’ll go after her.
Me: Okay.
Hubby: (Pauses) What’s her name again?
***
I knew it. He’s just as superficial as I am.
