It’s a question I’ve been giving much thought to of late. When someone asks me how I am, my automatic response used to be: “Good. Been busy with work. The usual.” Then one day I realised it sounded as if my entire life revolved around work, so nowadays I say: “Good. Working hard but playing hard too.”
The truth, though, is I work more than I play. The balance sounds about right – it’s definitely good news for the bosses – but I’ve been wondering if work should define my everyday. Should my life really be predominantly about work? Or to put it another way, is work my sole purpose in life?
I don’t want it to be. I mean, I love my job and all, but for me, there’s a fine line between loving my job and doing it well, and obsessing over it. I don’t want to be a workaholic – not when it comes to my day job anyway. I suppose it would be different if I were doing my own thing; I’ve always been an independent one. You could say I’m anal and want everything my own way, but the truth is that is the way I work best. That’s why I love being a writer.
I digress. In short, I’ve been thinking about purpose; motivation; big picture. It’s a train of thought birthed from observation of my colleagues and accepting that there are so many things I cannot control at work. Sometimes I wonder if this is all just an excuse to conceal my knee-jerk reaction of withdrawing when I come to a brick wall. I cannot control all these things, therefore I will step back and not get emotionally invested.
It may not (always?) be a bad thing. After all, the conscious decision to withdraw and not let work define my each day has resulted in mullings and ruminations about what does define my everyday. And right off the bat, I realise that a big part of it is Y. My marriage is my top priority, as it should be, but more than that, it keeps me grounded in the world outside of the office. It reminds me to look beyond my nine-to-five existence/industry. It puts things into perspective and prevents me from giving the trivial more weight than is really due. For this, I am thankful.
But it does not adequately answer my question. I don’t have all the answers, but I think I know where to start. Don’t give me a cliched Christian mantra of life purpose and don’t tell me I should get pregnant because a child will give me purpose – I have no doubt he/she will but that’s a completely different discussion altogether. Besides, bringing a child into the world for the sole intention of seeking life purpose probably isn’t the best way to start off my parenting career.
Perhaps it doesn’t even matter if I don’t find answers. Perhaps what matters are the right questions, time spent pondering and silent conversations with and about a Creator. And along the way, I should still play pretty damn hard.
