In the midst of all the talk and thought on jobs and houses and money, I was suddenly struck with a terrible cloud of gloom while brushing my teeth two nights ago – an unexpected feeling of having absolutely no real purpose in looking for work. Besides earning money. And that’s not so much a purpose as it is a reason and a means. No money means no house no petrol for car no food no holiday no shopping.
Yes, even though the dictionary claims purpose and reason are both just about the same thing, they are not. Not in my head they aren’t. Oh dear. At just 24 years old, I’m having a midlife crisis. It’s all very good and well to have a job now, but are we to toil 30 years for… money? Sure, I enjoy what I do now, but what about ten years from now, or twenty years from now? Achievement, you say? Sense of accomplishment? Making a difference in the world? Inventing a cure for cancer (sorry, I’m an arts student)?
Tim said something rather funny in church last week. He said the modern church goes around preaching at us to ‘make a difference’, as if we’re not already making a difference.
Taking that thought further, I guess everything we do, big or small, changes something in the physical and the cosmos. Heck, eating that chocolate biscuit makes a difference because it was the last one and now there are no more chocolate biscuits left for anyone else ha ha.
If nothing else, this confirms one thing – I have absolutely no career ambition. I am perfectly happy to sit in a corner and type frantically on a keyboard in my own little world, but seriously, for the next 30 years? Either I was supposed to run away with the circus, or I really lack the wiring in my brain. But then again, I already knew that.
Much to the dismay of certain individuals I may add.
